The Games We Play
by AgentAshor
Summary: A personal account of the Agent and Vector's relationship. Each chapter is a snapshot of a specific moment of their story. I have not yet played through to the end, so be patient with me until I do... Usual disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, the story, yada, yada, yada...Just wanted to give my own little spin on it. And, of course, spoilers!
1. Chapter 1

I am a pretty good judge of people. Being in my line of work I have to be. Gauging whether or not someone is lying often means the difference between life or a knife in the gut.

Most of the diplomats I've encountered during my years with Intelligence were far more interested in themselves than the people they supposedly served. It disgusted me to no end and as a result, I found my distaste for politicians far too palatable for my liking. I fully expected my Imperial contact on Alderaan, Vector Hyllis, to be as self-serving and arrogant as the others; however, by the end of my mission there I was forced to change my opinion of him. After our many brief exchanges over that week, I began to realize that it had been unfair of me to assume all diplomats were the same. Vector was indeed an exception. I had yet to discover the extent of his gentle nature and good heart, but one thing was for certain: he genuinely cared about people.

It was those qualities, in addition to Vector's intelligence and level-headedness, that made Keeper insist Vector join our team. To be honest, I was secretly thrilled at the prospect of a new companion. Kaliyo was amusing but abrasive and I was getting tired of her tough-as-rancor-hide attitude. She saw life as one big game. Everything was created for her amusement or pleasure. In contrast, I took my work as seriously as Kaliyo did not.

Immediately after Vector's official transfer to Intelligence, Keeper ordered us to Dromund Kaas for a briefing. Vector's few belongings had been packed in crates and placed in the cargo hold - his new quarters, at his request - by the ship's droid, 2V. I busied myself by plotting the hyperspace coordinates. I had no idea what Kaliyo was up to, but it probably involved a lot of liquor. She had already made it clear that Vector gave her the creeps.

Once successfully in hyperspace, I sat back in the captain's chair and watched the stars stream around the _Phantom_. My thoughts strayed to Vector, and I wondered how he would handle the flight back to Dromund Kaas, as it had been a long time since he'd last flown.

_I remember my first trip. A new recruit, directly from Iridonia. I had no idea what to expect. Sleep had been my best friend...not to mention all the meds I took to keep the nausea and migraines at bay. _Although at the time it had been unpleasant, I now smiled at the memory. Since then, I had been on hundreds of flights throughout the course of my career and flying had become second nature.

_He's an adult; he can manage,_ I told myself_. He'd request meds if he needed them...Right?_ I drummed my fingers on the console. _I didn't - but I was young and nervous. Perhaps I should check on him...just in case._

Without more to do at the present, I walked to the back of the ship and stood in the doorway to his quarters, my hands clasped behind my back, at ease. As silly as it sounds, no matter how hard I tried to find a different position to stand in, I always fell back into that one. Formalities were important.

I noticed that as he unpacked, his elegant robes had gotten slightly dusty and his black hair disheveled. During our exchanges on Alderaan, I had never seen Vector less than perfectly groomed. I had concluded then that he cared greatly about his appearance; now I was secretly pleased to see that he didn't really seem to care. His belongings had spent several years hiding in an out of the way part of his Kilik cave. He looked boyishly at each item as he unwrapped it, smiling fondly - almost as if he were opening gifts at a fete.

_He seems...fine,_ I thought, frowning inwardly. My disappointment surprised me a bit. I turned and took a step toward the cockpit.

"Agent. Is there something we can do for you?"

I froze, Vector's soft voice catching me off guard. I hadn't expected him to even acknowledge my presence. I turned to face him, grinning stupidly. He wiped his hands on his deep purple outer robe and returned a pleasant smile.

"No, nothing," I faltered, then realizing I should explain exactly what I _was_ doing there, I continued blindly, "I...just came by to...check on you." I felt rather odd standing there with no real explanation. For someone who had been trained to lie and lie well, I suddenly felt very poor at my craft indeed. I cleared my throat and made another attempt. "Do you have everything you need?"

"We do, thank you."

I fell into ease again. "Good. Let myself or 2V know if you need anything."

Vector studied the crates stacked next to him and picked up the top one. "Actually, we could use some help unpacking this." He handed me the box. My arms sagged under its weight. _What could possibly be in here?_ "Put them on the shelf over there. Organize them however you'd like."

"What's in here?" I asked as I maneuvered through the maze of metal crates and boxes.

"Books."

I carefully set the crate down and opened it. _Books,_ I thought as I picked up the top one and flipped through it. Xenolinguistics of the Core Worlds: Evolution of Form. _I haven't held an actual book in years. _I glanced in the box. _There's at least fifty books in here! These must have cost a small fortune. _

I began placing books on the metal shelf, pausing only to read each title. If one in particular caught my eye, I took a brief moment to read a page or two as well, the thick, rough parchment and inky smell a heady combination. The printed words reminded me of my grandfather. He greatly valued the written word, but couldn't have ever afforded this many. Before I knew it I had picked up the last book in the crate: Culture of the Mandalorians. At that instant, Vector knelt beside me. I tucked the book on the shelf next to the others and wrapped my hands around my knees. If I had been standing, I would have fallen into ease again.

Vector scrutinized my work. "You have organized them by size and type."

"I did. Would you rather I sorted them by title?"

"In our former life, we liked to see how friends and colleagues would shelve our books. We can tell a lot about a person by the little things they do."

"What does my organizational system say about me?" I challenged.

He waved at the neat row of books I had just shelved. "You, Agent, see the world through first impressions. You like your life orderly and fixed. Everything you do is with a great deal of meticulous control. But..." he said, smiling at me, pulling the tallest book off the shelf and re-shelving it next to its kin, "...the fact that you put this particular book with the shortest books in our library indicates that you also have a sense of humor and a spontaneous streak."

_Impressively accurate. I wonder what he would say about Kaliyo._ The corners of my mouth twitched into a grin. "Seems like you'll fit into Intelligence nicely, Vector," I said. "Where did you get so many bound books? I've never seen such a collection before."

Vector smiled proudly. "Some of these were given to us as gifts. Others we bought. A few we found. All have been read."

I arched an eyebrow skeptically. "Even the boring ones? I can't imagine the xenolinguistics book being that interesting."

"Even the boring ones." Vector looked over the shelf again, more intently this time. "Our favorite is this one." He carefully removed a thin book from the top shelf. Loose pages had been tucked into the dried-out binding and the cracked, worn leather cover looked as though it would crumble to dust at the next reading. Sonnets and Love Poetry of the Inner Rim. He started to hand it to me, but I shook my head.

Undeterred, he reached for my hand and carefully placed the book on my palm. "Consider it a gift. Please, take it."

"Oh, no. I couldn't...especially if it's your favorite book."

"We've read this more times than we can count. We have memorized all of the poems years ago. This is for you to enjoy, Cipher Nine. Savor the words within."

Somehow I managed a clumsy "thank you" and "I will". Hastily, I checked my wrist and was shocked to see I'd been in Vector's quarters for almost an hour. I rose quickly, Vector following my lead. "I'm sorry to leave so suddenly, but I've got to prepare for our meeting with Keeper. I didn't really even mean to stay this long."

Vector escorted me to the door. "We are grateful for your help. You are welcome to borrow any of our books, should you wish it."

"That's very kind. Thank you, Vector." I held up the small parcel. "This is in good hands. I promise."

He smiled warmly. "Enjoy, Agent."

I left Vector to finish unpacking while I pondered this unexpected and generous present. The last time I had even held a book was after Grandfather's funeral. I had found it while cleaning out our home back on Iridonia. It had been his prized possession, given to him by his grandfather.

_I wonder if I still have it._

Once safely in my room (without being accosted by Kaliyo on the way - _Where was she anyway?_) I set Vector's gift on my nightstand and unlocked the footlocker at the end of my bed. I rummaged about, pushing around various items until I found what I was looking for: a worn, hardcover book. As I brushed dust from the faded cover, I read the title, now barely visible: The Selenoren.

I opened the cover carefully. Six generations of Zabraks had been recorded in the genealogy of my family's Rising Festivals: people, dates, chosen tattoos. I found my name at the bottom, written in my grandfather's blocky script, along with a message: _She now bears her beloved mother's tattoos. I am so proud of her._

_How surprising that such a little thing could hold so much meaning. _I closed the book and hugged it tightly to my chest. Sighing, I kicked off my boots and bounced onto my bed, setting that book on my nightstand as well. Grabbing my datapad, I flicked it on and for the next hour thoroughly reviewed my briefing notes.

From time to time, I glanced at my nightstand. Both books sat there, waiting to be read. Finally, I set my datapad aside and picked up Sonnets and Love Poetry of the Inner Rim. Licking my finger and flipping open the first page, I began to read.


	2. Chapter 2

Vector was eager to accompany me on missions. I'll admit that at first I was rather worried about the prospect. The politicians and diplomats I knew proved to be (to put it politely) rather robust or (to put it plainly) ignorant in any sort of weapon proficiency. Imagine my surprise when Vector proved to be a highly able combatant, displaying remarkable speed, grace, and poise - like a dancer. Over the next couple of weeks, I found myself watching him intently in battle, my breath held and heart racing, as he dispatched our enemies. On several occasions I even discovered myself blushing afterward. As luck would have it, my deep maroon skin hid the evidence, but every time it happened I hoped that Vector or Kaliyo had not noticed. Vector would be too polite to mention it, while Kaliyo would have brought it up at every possible opportunity.

One night as I completed my reports for Intelligence, I reflected on this infatuation. I hadn't felt like this since I was 16, back on Iridonia. As part of our rite of passage, my grandfather had taught a neighbor boy and me an epic poem. I developed a massive crush on this boy, Jorr'al, when he tried to steal kisses from me when Grandfather wasn't watching. Shortly after our Selenoren, I left for Imperial training. I never saw him again, but always thought of him fondly.

Now I liked a new neighbor. As far as I could discern, Vector remained unaware of my interest and I was determined to keep it a secret. At least until it passed or until I could figure out what to do about it; the former being more likely. I hoped.

I sighed, rubbing my eyes. I couldn't concentrate anymore; my slight obsession over my small crush had shattered my ability to think clearly.

I turned off my datapad and tossed it aside, yawning. Reports were dull. I had spent over three hours trying to catch up and my eyes were beginning to close. _I need a snack. _I grabbed my datapad, turned it off, and swiveled around in my chair.

Vector stood in the doorway, watching me intently.

_Poodoo,_ I thought, my cheeks flushing.

"You look very calm tonight, Agent. It suits you."

"Reports." I stifled another yawn. "How long have you been standing there, Vector?" _Act normal_, I begged myself.

"Ten minutes."

"Oh?" _Ten...minutes?_ "Say something next time, please. You'll be a welcome distraction."

"We don't mind." He stepped inside the cockpit and clasped his hands behind his back. "Agent, there is something we need to ask you."

"Go on, Vector."

"We are not as adept at reading people as we used to be, so we hope you won't be offended if we are so direct."

I nodded for him to continue.

"Has our relationship become unprofessional?"

He said it so simply, so matter-of-factly that I found myself blushing again. _What is the matter with you?_ I scolded myself. "What makes you say that?"

"Curiosity, mostly. But we also do not wish to overstep boundaries."

I considered his question. During my years with Intelligence, I rarely possessed an opportunity to get close to anybody. Most of my previous missions had been solo ones, so when Keeper had instructed me to work with Kaliyo, I had been mightily surprised. She and I formed an interesting bond, one that I was still a bit wary of. I fully expected Kaliyo to bolt eventually - either when the credits dried up or when the missions weren't fun anymore.

My thoughts then turned to the Fixers, Watchers, and even Keeper. These were probably the most professional of my relationships. Pleasantries were commonplace, and I didn't really know much about the personal lives of my co-workers. Perhaps this came from working for Intelligence. Or maybe I just hadn't devoted the time to get to know anyone.

_What did he mean by 'unprofessional' anyway? _I wondered. I smiled at him in the hallway and we shared a laugh or two over meals, but Kaliyo and I did things like that, too: sparring during hyperspace jumps and drinking when we docked.

_Does Vector...know?_

As much as I didn't want to admit it, it was possible. Being a Kilik Joiner, Vector had a hypersensitivity that rivaled only a Sith. He could sense things that Kaliyo and I couldn't, though I wouldn't find out how uncannily accurate his abilities were until much, much later.

In the end, I finally chose what I interpreted to be a fairly ambiguous answer: "I say that this is my ship and you're on my team so...we can be as friendly as we wish to be."

Vector nodded. When he smiled, I detected a hint of relief.

"Are you hungry? I was about to get a snack. You're welcome to join me."

"We could eat."

I rose from my seat and Vector stood aside to let me pass. I headed to the kitchen, the dialogue shifting to past reports for Intelligence. "I'm not sure about you, but reports are my least favorite thing about my work. I'd much rather be out in the field." I opened the pantry and pulled out a few bags of dehydrated fruit and vegetable chips and tossed them onto the counter. Vector opened a bag of dried vegetables. I tore open the other bag and began to nibble on a shriveled red fruit. _Lindfruit. My favorite._

"We always enjoyed reports. Completing diplomatic reports was a good time to reflect on our failures and revel in our successes."

I chewed my snack thoughtfully. "I hadn't thought about it that way before." I picked up another piece of red fruit. "Do you miss working for Diplomatic Service?"

Vector shrugged. "We still travel. We still meet people. Essentially, Intelligence isn't that different."

"I wouldn't imagine it is." I picked up another piece of fruit. "Except for the parties. I've been to three parties as an operative - two for Intelligence and one for Diplomatic Service - and only one was black robe attire. Guess which one that was?"

Vector smiled. "Did you enjoy yourself?"

"Not really. Everyone kept going on and on about politics. I stuck out like a rancor in a nerf herd." I giggled at the memory.

"Diplomats do tend to be long-winded, humorless, and dull." Vector reached for another vegetable chip and casually took a bite. "There must have been other things to occupy you there. Drinking or dancing, maybe? Do you dance, Agent?"

"Yes. Well, no, not really. I mean, I love to dance, but I'm...uncoordinated."

"We doubt that. You are full of natural grace."

I giggled again. "Only when I fall over."

Vector laughed. "We believe you are better than you think you are. Come." He held out his hand.

I stared at him, a piece of fruit midway to my mouth. "You're joking."

"We are not."

"I'll step on your feet."

"Maybe." His hand remained outstretched. "But that is of no consequence. Just follow our lead and you'll be fine, Agent."

I set down my dried fruit and reluctantly took his hand. It was warm to the touch. "Don't blame me if you can't walk tomorrow."

Vector walked around the counter, still holding my hand. When he stepped in front of me, I looked up and studied his face. A faint smile played at his lips, but his eyes betrayed nothing.

"Put your other hand on our shoulder." I lifted my arm slowly, forcing myself to stop trembling, and placed my hand on his shoulder, the silky fabric of his robe pliant under my fingertips. He placed his other hand carefully at my hip.

"Now, stand tall and follow us." He gently squeezed my hand and stepped toward me. I backed away, mirroring his steps. Vector guided me adeptly around the tiny space, though it took a few turns around the kitchen before I really relaxed. His steps were so precise and fluid that he seemed to follow an imaginary song. It was quite clear that if one of us was a natural it was him, not me.

As we danced, he watched my face intently, the black pools of his eyes glittering in the bright lights of the galley. I stared back at his impassive face, wondering what he was thinking. _The diplomat and the faces unreadable. Who would win a round of Pazaak?_

"Who taught you how to dance, Vector?"

"We had a dance instructor before we left for Diplomatic Service. We remember being quite good." He paused a moment before adding, "You are better than you claim."

"Watch out. These Imperial-issue boots are heavy," I laughed.

"What are you doing?" I froze, turning to face the doorway where Kaliyo stood leaning against the frame. Her smirk indicated she had just stumbled upon a delicious treat.

"Dancing," said Vector simply. I closed my eyes and inwardly groaned. _Oh, poodoo. _I could expect some merciless teasing later from Kaliyo. My mind raced with excuses, but doubted that she would bite. She was crazy, not stupid.

I was so preoccupied with Kaliyo that I had forgotten my hands were still on Vector's motionless body. After a few moments of awkward silence, Vector gently untangled our fingers and gave me a short bow. "It was a pleasure, Agent. We look forward to the next dance." Then he nodded at Kaliyo and left.

Kaliyo raised an eyebrow at me and smiled wickedly. "Somebody's got a crush on Bug Boy."

"Have you and 2V set the coordinates for our next destination?"

Kaliyo rolled her eyes. "Oh, no, Agent, don't bother trying to change the subject. Bug Boy may be creepy and all, but you're in desperate need of some fun. So, you know," her eyes twinkled, "go have some fun." She winked at me and laughed as she exited the kitchen.

After cleaning the galley, I went back to my quarters. As I unbuckled my boots and removed my Imperial uniform, I thought about Vector, his concerns about professionalism, and the dance.

_Was dancing with him unprofessional? _I wondered, absently removing the insignia from my uniform and placing it on my nightstand next to Vector's book. _Kaliyo seems to think so, but does Vector? Does he want to be unprofessional? Do I? _I crumpled up my suit and shoved it down the laundry chute, silently cursing to myself. I had forgotten to tell 2V not to add so much starch to my clothing. Now that the droid insisted upon overseeing laundry duty, my uniforms were so stiff I could barely sit down.

After shrugging my gown over my head and slipping my arms through the sleeves, I rolled back the covers and flopped into bed. _Reports will take at least another two hours, _I thought, flipping out the light. _Maybe I'll even look over my finished reports to re-evaluate my failures and successes before submitting them._


	3. Chapter 3

Our mission for Hunter went better than expected. Even he complimented us on our success as he lead us to Krothe's hideout. I hadn't expected things to fall into place so easily; it was a nice change from the usual.

Krothe welcomed us warmly and I will wholly admit that at that time, I did not suspect any sort of ruse. Only after Krothe dismissed Vector and Hunter and the two of us stood facing each other, did I finally become cognizant that something was amiss. Krothe had something up his sleeve; what exactly I did not know, but as soon as my hand reached for my pistol, he casually uttered, "Onomatophobia."

My entire body stood paralyzed, my mind overcome with shock. _What's happened to me? Move your arms, dammit, move them,_ I ordered myself, but whatever spell I was under, I could not break it. I had been completely overpowered by a single word and could not resist.

"What's going on?" I demanded, still urging myself mentally to unholster my weapon.

"Barriers have been put in place so that you cannot harm myself or my team."

"What are you talking about? What barriers?"

"We've yet to deem you trustworthy, Legate. It's a precaution, nothing more."

"I just destroyed an Imperial droid factory for you!" I hissed.

"And there's still so much more to do."

Still seething, I outwardly calmed myself and listened to his next mission. _There's got to be a way around this,_ I thought. _He can't keep me contained forever. _I barely heard Krothe's remaining instructions before he released me from his grip.

I wanted to take out my pistol and blast him across the room right then and there, but I knew better than to try. He would have said the word before I even had time to aim, so I held my arm and my tongue. I simply saluted and stormed out.

Vector was waiting in the hallway. Hunter was no where to be seen. By his concerned expression, I could tell he immediately knew something was wrong. "Agent?" he whispered. "Are you alright?"

I motioned for Vector to follow. _How to even begin to explain? _"Never better," I struggled to say through clenched teeth.

_Wait, what? That's not what I said!_

"What I mean to say is," I began again as we exited, "everything's fine."

_No, it isn't! _my mind screamed. Once again, my words had refused to formulate what I actually thought. _I'm trapped,_ I reasoned. _Alone._

"Are you certain?" Vector grabbed my arm and studied my face for a moment, troubled. "Agent, what is it? We are here to help."

"Nothing," I muttered darkly, waving him off. "Let's go."

I stormed back to the hangar in silence, barely registering that Vector was behind me. Once aboard the _Phantom_ and after a brief call to Keeper - during which I deliberately neglected to tell Keeper about the mind control; after all, if I couldn't tell Vector, why would I be able to tell Keeper? - I shut myself in my quarters to think. I needed to process what had just happened. I needed to know what was going on.

But I had no clear idea how I would do it. I had always been able to use my creativity and ingenuity to handle anything and everything in the field. Now, I had only confusion and frustration. I had finally reached an insurmountable hurdle.

I took a deep breath and slowly made it to my feet.

Feeling only fractionally better, I spotted the dress I'd placed on my bed this morning, long before my meeting with Krothe. _Oh, no. The party._ In my distressed state, I'd completely forgotten.

For the next two hours I sat at my desk staring at the dress and trying to decide whether or not I should go. Both options were daunting: I wasn't in a social mood, but I didn't want to disappoint Vector.

In the end, I decided that disappointing Vector would be much worse than making an appearance, so I shrugged out of my armor and slipped the green dress over my head. It was the only dress I owned; not really formal enough for a black-robe party, but just festive enough for almost any other occasion. I found an unexpected smile at my lips when I studied my reflection in the mirror. The dress hugged my curves and the asymmetrical hem showed off my strong calves. It had been so long since I wore this dress that I'd forgotten how good it made me feel. I quickly brushed a comb through my short brown hair and pushed a pair of earrings through my lobes. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad night after all.

I opened the door and nearly bumped into Vector. He looked slightly guilty, as if he'd been outside my door for a while, trying to decide whether or not to knock. _He certainly knows how to dress, _I thought. His dark blue outer robe and periwinkle inner robe looked striking against his features. The robes had been freshly laundered, too - I recognized the scent of the stiffening agent from my own uniforms. I hoped 2V had not starched Vector's clothing as much as my own. My Imperial uniforms were a dime-a-dozen. The elegant outer robe he wore tonight probably cost hundreds of credits.

"Agent. We weren't sure you were still joining us."

I smiled apologetically at him. "Yes, I am. I made a promise and I intend to keep it."

"We are glad to hear it." He held out his arm and I accepted it gratefully. On the way out, we said goodnight to 2V. I did not see Kaliyo. I wondered if perhaps she would be meeting us there, then quickly dismissed that thought. This party was definitely not her scene.

Vector directed me toward a small speeder that he had rented for the night. The cave was too far to walk and the area around it was not properly zoned to land spacecraft. He held open the passenger door for me and I climbed in. _It will be nice to have someone take charge for a change, _I mused.

"Kaliyo regrets to inform you that she will not be joining us tonight," Vector said, settling in behind the wheel.

"Oh?"

"She has decided her time would be better spent at a local cantina."

I laughed. I could just picture her drinking, gambling, and perhaps doing other inappropriate activities with the locals. "I'm sure. I hope it doesn't bother you."

Vector smiled. "We don't mind that Kaliyo declined the invitation. We would rather be at the party with you." He started the engine, while I processed his last sentence. "Are you excited?"

I fumbled with my seatbelt. "I'm a little nervous." I paused before saying, "I hope I don't embarrass you."

"We can tell. Your aura is tinged with orange tonight. Like a sunset." Vector glanced at me, his two black pools sparkling. "You needn't worry, Agent. You have proved yourself capable in any situation." We conversed little on the way, though a quick glance at Vector now and then told me he was excited. He seemed to be humming another internal song. Was there always music in his heart?

As we skimmed above the yellow sand, his words echoed in my head in time with the engine: _Like a a a sunset._ Always the proper diplomat, Vector had found the right thing to say.

We parked near the mouth of the cave and he helped me out of the speeder. A crowd surrounded the cave. I silently counted the Kiliks, but lost track at 42 - and we had yet to enter! I had a difficult time distinguishing the Kiliks from the Orboro nest and Kiliks of the Iesei nest. They all looked the same to me, but it was evident that Vector and the other Joiners could easily tell them apart. In the end, I reasoned it didn't matter who was who: everyone wore such large smiles and the air hummed with happiness.

"This way, Agent. Daizanna is waiting for us."

The sweet earthy smell inside permeated the dry heat, the scent reminding me of Vector's nest back on Alderaan. The cave walls sweated with an illuminous bluish-green goo. Kiliks stood along the walls, mandibles moving back and forth, silently communicating to one another. A few Joiners stood along the passage as well, smiling and nodding as we stepped past.

The passageway opened into a large room. On the left, Kiliks and Joiners surrounded stone tables holding Kilik delicacies. A space on the right had been designated specifically for entertainment, and several of the Joiners were already taking advantage of it. Nearby Kiliks stomped their feet and strummed their wings in harmony. Never in my life had I heard such a beautiful, lively melody.

Daizanna stood in between the tables and the dance floor, softly clapping to the music and watching the dancers. She wore a lovely gown of an unidentifiable fabric. It had been hand-dyed a lovely honey-gold color which reminded me of the Tatooine sands.

"Welcome!" She embraced me warmly. "Our guest of honor."

I smiled politely. "I wouldn't go that far."

She ignored my feigned modesty and handed me a cup filled with a milky-white substance. "Drink, Cipher Nine." I accepted the cup and inhaled. Sweet. _Vector told me about this,_ I remembered. _He called it "membrosia."_ I took a sip and felt the liquid warming my inside like a soft caress. _It goes down so smooth,_ I thought. _It's a wonder more people don't become Joiners by accident._

Over the next few minutes we engaged in the usual social discourse. Most of the questions asked were not directed at me, so I continued to sip my drink, keeping my mind on the conversation but my eyes on the dancers. The steps were basic enough; however, the movements were so quick and the execution exact. Difficult, but not impossible.

"Dance with us!" A few of the Joiners had approached, startling me.

_They must have noticed me watching them,_ I thought. I took a step back. "Oh, no, I - "

Either they didn't hear or they didn't care, because one grabbed my empty cup and handed it to Vector, while the other two pulled me toward the crowd of merry-makers. My grandfather had always joked that I was a natural showman and often accused me of flaunting my talents whenever anyone stood watching. He was right, of course, though when I was younger I thought he was just making fun of me.

As soon as I familiarized myself with the basic steps of the dance, my movements became wilder and my facial expressions grander. My partner seemed to anticipate my movements and was able to compliment my actions perfectly. We danced theatrically, as if in a production rather than at a party. By the time the music had ended, the crowd cheered and buzzed their delight. We took each other's hand and bowed to the crowd. Soon another song picked up again, this time much, much slower. Other couples wandered back over. My partner and I had just taken our first steps when Vector appeared.

"Mind if we cut in?"

The other Joiner gave up my hand and raised his eyebrows as if passing a secret to Vector. Vector took my hand and placed his other on my hip. I put my other hand on his shoulder, our position reminiscent of our dance in the ship's galley. He squeezed my hand and stepped forward.

"What was that all about?"

"What?"

"The eyebrow raising. Something was said...only nothing was actually said."

Vector chuckled. "Yes, something was said. You have quite an affect on us, Agent."

"Us? As in _all_ of us or just...you?" I tried not to sound too hopeful.

"Both. You have impressed everyone here. There's talk of an Imperial-Kilik alliance now."

"That's wonderful. You should be proud, Vector."

"So should you. You are a natural ambassador, Agent. You would have done well in the Diplomatic Service."

For a short while we ceased talking and concentrated on dancing. Vector's movements were so smooth that I began to suspect he was a bit of a showman as well.

Midway through out third dance, Vector finally spoke. "Agent, we are...concerned about you."

I could feel the blood leaving my face, but I spoke levelly. "I appreciate your concern, but it's...complicated."

Vector's worried expression held doubt. "Ever since our meeting with Hunter, your aura has been...different. There is a blemish along your spine...here." His fingers at my hip wandered to the small of my back. I shivered at his touch and lowered my head, cursing silently. "It spreads darkness, Agent."

_It's mind control!_ I wanted to scream, but it would be fruitless. _Patience,_ I reminded myself.

A far more urgent matter stood directly before me. I had to tell Vector something, even if I couldn't tell him the truth. _If I am honest, he will know I'm not deliberately trying to deceive him._

Closing my eyes, I spoke slowly and chose my words carefully. "You don't believe that I'm fine. Maybe I'm not. But...if I could, Vector, I would not hesitate to tell you everything."

"As you say, Agent." Vector pulled me closer, his arms wrapped comfortably around my waist. I rested my head on his chest and we continued to sway to the music, his soothing heartbeat thumping in time to our steps. I wished right then that I felt brave enough to kiss him.

We danced, we drank, we talked. Vector always remained within arm's reach. Hours later as the party started to wind down I could feel my eyelids drooping. I sat down on a nearby stone bench and rested my head against the wall, the cool earth pleasant against my cheek. I closed my eyes. On the whole it had been a lovely evening. I was glad I came.


	4. Chapter 4

_He's laughing again - ruthless, maniacal. It pounds into my skull, ensnaring me in an invisible web. Stop! I beg, Stop! _

_But he does not...When will he stop? _

_If I could only find him. I would pound his face into the ground, over and over again until only a bloody shell of a man remained. But his silky voice is still all around me, his body all but a shadow. That familiar voice, unmistakable yet indescribable, heckles me again. Over and over he chides me. He tells me I may be helpless, but that I still have my mind. _

_'They can't take your mind,' he says to me again and I say to him, 'Who are you?' But he does not answer. _

_He never does..._

Taris: a condemned world with the foulest creatures I have ever seen. Given a choice, I would not have come here. Upon arrival, Vector had shivered as he exited the ship and for once I empathized. This planet radiated death and destruction. Even I, lacking Force-sensitivity or any such heightened awareness, could feel it.

My nightmares had become more frequent and my headaches more painful on Taris. It was if they had woken under the cover of darkness and, like the wildlife, mutated, growing larger with each passing day. I felt control over my body slipping away. At times I became so light-headed that I had to prop myself against a tree, the _Phantom_, or even unsuspecting Vector. At night, my mind belonged to my dreams. I continued the best I could, for I did not want to draw attention to my handicap. I wouldn't have been able to tell anyone anyway.

I had been tasked by the SIS with finding a fallen Jedi, Ki Saizen. She had been heralded as a hero to the Nikto and they fought in her honor. When at last I caught up with her, I promised her that the SIS could use her skills, especially since it seemed she did not want to return to the Jedi Order.

_Had I done the right thing? _I reflected later. _Would the SIS trust Saizen? Would they, in turn, begin to trust me? _

I watched Kaliyo and 2V moving crates into the _Phantom_. We had inadvertently picked up another crew member, a Doctor Lokin, who had once been a Fixer for Imperial Intelligence. He proved to be an invaluable asset on this mission; however, I still did not completely trust him.

_Nor did I really trust Kaliyo,_ I mused. This thought saddened me a bit. I watched Doctor Lokin scold Kaliyo for dropping a rather large box labeled "FRAGILE." She rolled her eyes and as soon as the doctor turned away, she kicked the crate up the ramp. Doctor Lokin hadn't noticed; he and Vector were engaged in friendly conversation.

I realized then that if I had to choose a single team member that I could depend upon with my life, it would be Vector. Having no alternate agenda or a sketchy past, he was the only one I could really trust. As if aware I was thinking about him, he suddenly met my eye and smiled. I smiled back, then turned away, pretending to check off boxes on my datapad. _Doctor Lokin seems to be bringing his entire laboratory with him._

"Agent? Might we have a word?"

"Of course." I lowered my datapad.

Vector seemed nervous, which was highly unlike him. I wondered if he too had reservations about Doctor Lokin. "We noticed we'd be heading to Hoth next."

"Yes. Another day or two, I expect. We'll finish up here and then travel to the Imperial Fleet. Kaliyo and Doctor Lokin have already volunteered to replenish our supplies." I shook my head. "I'm not really looking forward to Hoth. It's funny - I'm not a big fan of the cold, but I do love the snow."

When he didn't respond, I thought he might be upset that I had assigned Kaliyo and Lokin to gather supplies. Perhaps he had wanted to go to Imperial Fleet, too. I said hurriedly, "If you wanted to go with them, I'm sure it would be fine - "

"We were actually hoping we could spend some time with you...alone - unless, of course, you have some pressing reports to complete."

"Oh," I whispered. My cheeks grew warmer and for a few seconds words abandoned me. I fiddled with my datapad. "I'd love to."

The next day we left Kaliyo and Doctor Lokin at Imperial Fleet, agreeing to meet them at the hanger in about 18 hours. Even though they'd have plenty of time to get everything on my list, I suspected that Kaliyo would be at one of the many bars for a good seventeen-and-a-half hours and would only gather supplies under direct supervision from Lokin. As for the good doctor, I assumed he would be meeting with past associates.

Vector would not tell me where we were going; not that I tried very hard to pry the coordinates out of him. Not knowing felt more like a vacation. While he and 2V arranged the travel itinerary, I must have tried on every civilian outfit I had in my closet, trying to find one suitable for a picnic. Thanks to my dedication to Intelligence, I really didn't have many clothes to choose from, so in the end I wore a simple blue tunic paired with leggings and boots.

Vector, on the other hand, looked stunning in a glossy red robe, fashionably cut. It must have been tailored, for it fit him perfectly. I felt sorely underdressed and would probably be confused for one of his servants. _Does he even own casual robes?_ This thought amused me and I giggled loudly.

"Are you ready, Agent?" He offered me his arm.

"Yes." I slipped my hand into the crook of his arm and practically skipped down the ship's ramp. "It's been a while since I've been on a vacation."

As we walked out of the small hangar, Vector spoke as nonchalantly as possible, though I could hear the excitement in his voice. "We considered a few places before settling on this one," he told me. Upon leaving the docks, we turned south and I was shocked to see that I recognized a few of the nearby buildings. I found the familiarity to be disconcerting but after several blocks, I still couldn't place our location. I grasped Vector's arm uncomfortably.

"Do you know where we are yet?"

As soon as he said it, I knew.

_Wortan. I'm home. _

After a decade of absence, I had come home. I stopped in the middle of the walkway to take it all in. "I haven't been back here in years."

Wortan, nestled in the widest part of the Avo-voa Canyon, had not changed much in my absence. Most of the eastern section of the city - leveled during the Mandelorian Wars - had been redeveloped into a cozy residential area with a large park that blended into the surrounding forest. The stone bridges of my day that crossed the large river had been replaced with metal ramps; a futuristic oddity compared to the simplicity of the rest of the city. Only one other skyscraper had been built since the attack and I noted that it had been carved into the canyon itself. A precaution, it seemed, against future attacks. A market along the main street bustled with mid-morning shoppers.

"How did you know?" I asked in bewilderment.

"We guessed, based on many of our past conversations."

"That's...amazing. I can't believe you figured it out." Vector grinned broadly and I laughed. "Maybe I need to censor myself around you."

My eyes wandered to the busy street before us. "It's market day! Are you hungry?" Without waiting for his answer, I directed him to the colorful tents and kiosks that lined the street.

Vector insisted that I choose our picnic lunch. I opted for something light and simple: a few wrinkled purple fruits, a burlap bag of crisp raw vegetables, some soft cheese, and a loaf of freshly baked bread. While we made our purchases, I recognized a few family friends and paused to visit with them. Vector proved in his element, expertly winding the conversation in the direction he chose. They laughed loudly as he told joke after joke, and I found myself admiring his ability to small-talk. This stranger with the golden tongue had won them over quite effortlessly and when it was finally time to go, they told me to return soon and to bring Vector with me.

"You've certainly impressed them," I told him as I led him from the market.

Vector smiled. "It is not hard to read people, once you know how."

The bag strap slipped from my shoulder and I lifted it back up. "Can you read everyone so well?"

He considered the question for a moment before responding. "Since we Joined, in some ways it has become easier for us to read people and in some ways much harder."

I thought back to his question a few months ago: _Has our relationship become unprofessional?_ He claimed to have difficulties reading people then. "How so?"

"In Diplomatic Service we relied heavily on facial cues, tone of voice, and body language. Now, as a Joiner, we rely more on a person's smell and fluctuations in their aura. On Alderaan, we rarely came in contact with anyone but other Kilik. Since we've joined your team, we have had more practice during our missions with Intelligence. Now we can say with some certainty that we can read people much better now than before we were transferred." He looked down the street. "Where shall we eat?"

I took his hand. "I know the perfect place. It's a bit of a hike, but it's nice."

"Lead the way, Agent."

For a few minutes we walked hand-in-hand through the city, then turned off onto a path through the trees, the shade protecting us some from the growing mugginess. The afternoon was bound to be oppressively humid. The path twisted along the muddy river bank, the water inviting. Massive slabs of old buildings and structures laid exposed in the water like giant stepping stones. I couldn't stop beaming - I used to swim out there as a girl. The rubble from buildings past still covered the trail.

At any other place, I would have been my usual, guarded self but reliving my childhood made me talkative. "Even though my parents were killed here in the war, I love this place."

Vector looked slightly pained. He had not known about this aspect of my youth. "We're sorry, Agent."

"It's alright, really. I was only a baby when I was found in the rubble, so I don't remember anything. Not even my own parents, sadly." I paused. "Once, when I was little - seven, I think - my grandfather took me along this trail. This used to be part of the city, before the war. After that, he never came back, but I would often come out here to reflect. This place harbors a sadness for the survivors, but I don't remember any of it. I was too young."

"You were an orphan, then."

"Yes. My grandparents raised me. Well, mostly my grandfather. My grandmother died when I was six. When he followed many, many years later, I had already enlisted. I didn't get to see him much in the end." I smiled sadly.

"The remains of several apartment buildings were swept downriver during a flood soon after the war. You can see some of the ruins in the water." I pointed to the crumbling concrete and twisted metal. They resembled large, flat islands. Vector nodded, but said nothing.

The path branched off toward a small clearing next to the river. "This is it," I whispered. I had not been back here since my grandfather's death ten years ago. It was remarkable how little the area had changed.

"You are saddened, Agent?"

"No. Well, yes. A bit. I've...missed this place. A lot. I used to come out here all the time. It was mine, and mine alone." I smiled. "I'm starving. Ready for lunch?"

Vector nodded again, his features unreadable. I had yet to determine if he thought this trip was a good idea or a bad idea. We sat on the river bank and pulled out the foods we bought at the market. I popped a bright red vegetable into my mouth before pulling off my boots and dipping my feet into the water. The hems of my leggings were now wet, but I didn't care. It was good to be home.

I passed the burlap bag to Vector. "It's amazing how many things I remember about this place."

"What is your favorite memory?"

I giggled, looking out over the water. "I have so many. But...if I had to choose one...I used to steal Grandfather's old blaster and bring it here. I'd play games with it."

"What did you play?"

"Oh, silly things. I'd pretend I was a hunter or a soldier. Then one day he caught me with it. Oh, was he furious! He insisted that I learn how to use it properly. As a child I was excited he was imparting this grand wisdom on me, but now I realize he didn't want me injured or killed. I was the only family he had left," I paused, breaking the loaf of bread and handing him half. I pulled my vibrodagger from the sheath at my leg and sliced several pieces of the soft cheese.

"I got quite good at handling the blaster. It was a bit rusty and so heavy, but still worked surprisingly well. I'd set up targets with the old junk I'd find along the river. After some practice, I rarely ever missed. Sometimes the older boys would challenge me to a best three-out-of-five or five-of-seven."

"Who won?"

I grinned. "Who do you think?"

Over lunch, the conversation shifted to the history of Wortan and the Mandelorian Wars. I was surprised and pleased by Vector's knowledge of Iridonia. He also divulged a bit about his own family and that he had little contact with his parents since he became a Joiner. Since the Kilik and other Joiners had become his family, his own parents had become a bit unnecessary. _They probably wouldn't understand him now, anyway._

I picked up a smooth, flat rock and tossed it into the water. It skipped several times before sinking into the water with a loud _plunk_. I was thankful for the shade and the moisture from the river. The heat from the sun felt suffocating. I scooped up some river water and splashed my face. I wondered how Vector was able to stay cool in all of his robes. He had to be sweltering in the heat.

"Your planet is lovely, Agent. We have never been to Iridonia before."

I moved my legs in the water, causing ripples to swirl around them. "I've always thought so. It's one of my favorite places in the galaxy."

Vector tilted his head, his black eyes shining. "Your connection here is strong. We can feel how much you love this place."

"Do you ever feel things you don't want to, Vector?" I asked softly.

"Yes, all of the time. Here, we see the connections among insects, plant species, and the sunlight. But we also see the others who have passed here before. We see destruction and pain. We hear cries for help and despair. We hear revenge and fear." He paused a moment. "We see silent suffering and enduring patience."

_He's talking about me,_ I thought sadly, without meeting his eye. _I would tell you. I would if I could._

"It can't be easy to experience what you do. I don't think I could do it."

"At first, it was difficult for us," Vector admitted. "All of our experiences were so overwhelming. We wanted to analyze all of those feelings. It took us a long time before we were able to just absorb everything."

The thing about Vector is that he is such a skilled conversationalist that before you know it, hours have passed. Until now, I had never met another person who could so easily engage me in conversation. That is probably why I did not realize the sky had darkened so dramatically until a flash of light above the canyon caught my eye. _Thunderstorm! _I had not been trapped in a storm since I was ten. I had almost broken my ankle running home. Thankfully my grandfather had come out looking for me and carried me the rest of the way. My ankle was swollen and sore, but nothing more than a bad sprain.

"I'd love to stay here for the rest of the day, but we should get going - at least back to Wortan," I said, turning to him. "It's going to rain." Vector nodded and began packing our belongings. I reluctantly put on my boots. We started up the path.

As we walked quickly down the trail, the wind began to howl and branches from nearby trees lashed out at us. More lightning flickered above us and seconds later a deep boom echoed throughout the canyon. Suddenly the heavens opened and the rain poured down.

"This way!" I grabbed Vector's hand and ran up the path. Once there had been a large, hollowed-out pile of ruins along the river. As a child, I had used it as my fort and I hoped that it was still there, unoccupied. The rain beat upon us like grapeshot, plastering my thick brown hair against my face and neck. Water dripped into my eyes, stinging them. I could barely make out the entrance a few meters down the path. Pushing aside the brush and tree limbs that obscured entry, we ducked inside, soaking wet.

I leaned against the cave wall and squeezed rainwater out of my hair. "We often get thunderstorms in summer. There's not much more we can do but wait it out." I studied the interior of the cave. It was smaller than I remembered, not much more than a closet, and it appeared to be untouched, but any number of people could have come and gone in my absence. I recalled a few supplies I'd hidden here at one time, hoping at the very least the matches would still be here. I brushed my fingers along the top ledge of the plasteel slabs, my fingertips finally sweeping over a small, thick packet. I pulled down a folder of matches.

"You've been here before, too," Vector said. He had slicked his dark hair back to keep the water from rolling down his face.

"Yes. I'd hide here when it rained." I shivered slightly. "And sometimes when it did not." I swept some brush and small sticks into a pile with my foot. Stooping down, I scraped a match against the wall and it hissed into a lively flame. I pressed the match against the kindling and it exploded into a small fire.

"You're very resourceful," Vector said as I sat next to him.

"No," I laughed, "just cold."

Vector shrugged out of his outer robe and draped it over me. The fine red silk had discolored from the storm. I held it close. "Such a shame."

"Pardon?"

"Your robe. You'll never be able to wear it again."

"We have many more robes, Agent," he insisted.

I lifted Vector's robe to my shoulders. Although it was drenched, it still smelled vaguely of wood and sweet spices. Other operatives I'd previously worked with all smelled the same: like sweat and earth, leather and kevlar, booze and stale cigarettes. This scent was unfamiliar to me and a bit sinful.

"You know, I think I might have hidden a Pazaak deck here once," I commented carelessly.

"Where?"

I glanced around the cave, trying to remember. I had often shuffled my treasures around to make it less likely anyone would find them. "The corner. Over there, I think. There should be a small space under one of the flat rocks." He lifted a few of the rocks and finally drew something out. He handed me the deck with a winning smile.

I opened the cracked plasteel package and pulled out the cards. Vector threw more brush and sticks on the fire and then sat down next to me. "These were also in there." He handed me two ration bars. I scrunched up my nose in disgust. He laughed and set them aside.

"You know, I won this deck from an older boy," I said while giving the cards a good shuffle. "He had challenged me to a best three-of-five."

Vector watched the cards intently. "What were you to lose if he had won?"

I shrugged. "Some jewelry I found by the water. A piece of a pendant or earring or something. It's probably in here, too, somewhere. I kept a lot of my treasures here. Things I didn't want Grandfather to find. He would not have approved of me gambling." I handed the deck to Vector. "Cut the cards."

He picked up half the deck and I put my half on top of his. I shuffled the deck once more. "Do you know how to play?"

"We're afraid the only game we know is Corellian Bridge."

"I've never heard of it. You'll have to teach me sometime."

"Very well, Agent. Perhaps Doctor Lokin would play with us. We're not sure if we could convince Kaliyo."

I snickered. "Get enough alcohol in her and you can get her to do anything."

Pazzak is a fairly easy game to learn - after all, I had been taught by my peers as a child - so after giving Vector a quick tutorial, I dealt a hand. Although he had never played before, Vector turned out to be a natural. His face remained placid while he played his cards, due certainly to his diplomatic training, and he manipulated the sums in his head almost as well as Kaliyo. _Perhaps the two of them have something in common after all,_ I thought and giggled.

Vector raised his eyebrows. "What is so funny?"

"Maybe now that you know how to play Pazzak you'll play with Kaliyo and me more often." I set down a red two and waited for him to play his final card. He set down a blue five. "Nice try." I smiled triumphantly. "I win again."

"And what shall your winnings be, Agent?" Vector teased, a sparkle in those dark pools of his.

After only a moment's hesitation I said, "A secret. I'd like to know something you've never told anyone else before...except maybe the Kilik," I added.

"A secret?" Vector sat back thoughtfully.

"Yes. It can be from when you were a child, if you want."

Vector nodded. "A secret..." He tapped his chin thoughtfully as he trailed off. "Alright, Agent. We have a secret for you." He threw a few more sticks on our small fire. "When we first met you on Alderaan, we expected you to be like others in the service: dull, borish, and unnecessarily cruel. Imagine our surprise when you turned out to be quite opposite of what we had assumed."

I smiled at him encouragingly. _Seems we both had preconceived notions of the other._

"After we joined your crew, we began to wonder what your hands would feel like. We wondered if you'd have callouses on your palms and rough skin along your fingers. We wondered if you spent time filing broken nails or if you left them, to remind you of your duty." A smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. "They were softer than we thought they'd be."

Suddenly I recalled the dance in the galley of the _Phantom_ and wondered if that had been a carefully orchestrated plan all along or if it had been, like I thought at the time, a spontaneous invitation.

"Over time, we began to wonder what it would be like to to smell your hair or to hold you close."

"The party," I whispered.

"Yes. We'd never felt your heart beat so fast - not even when we fought Jadis."

"And now?" I said softly.

He paused a moment and I could see he was working up the courage to say something more. "Now, Agent, we wonder what it would be like to...kiss you."

_By the Maker, he just say kiss me? _

My heart pounded against my sternum, its echo reverberating through my rib cage. With every beat I could feel the blood ringing in my ears and inflaming my cheeks. His words had left me painfully exposed and I wished that I was not wearing my civilian clothes. I longed instead for the protection of my armor.

It was obvious to me now that Vector shared my infatuation, but I had no idea what to do about it. Generally, Intelligence encouraged agents to engage in flirtation or indulge in sex as a means to achieve mission success; however, this time there was no mission - just mutual attraction between two team members. It was certain to be frowned upon.

There were reasons, of course. If the relationship soured or if a lover was captured and tortured or bought out, secrets could be leaked and missions compromised. Enemy targets could then use these secrets, thereby gaining not only information, but leverage. It was my job to preserve our secrets and uncover enemy secrets. As a rule, it was far easier to trust no one than it was to give up the minutest personal detail. The cost was too great.

But I couldn't deny that I liked Vector. A lot. I warmed to his gentle nature, valued his unique perspective, and admired his ability to relate to people. Thanks to the Kilik, Vector also proved highly perceptive and already knew details about my life even before this picnic. He was the only member of my crew who knew I was suffering, and the only one that I cared to get to know.

"Vector," I whispered, "I think our relationship has finally become unprofessional."

He looked at me carefully, trying to mask his confusion.

"But," I said, leaning into him, "I don't care." My lips met his and for a moment he was too shocked to speak. Then he responded, pressing his lips against mine a little harder and pulling me close. He smelled of the exact same spices as his robe, but more intense, and the aroma overwhelmed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck.

We broke away, our breath ragged. We remained in an embrace, our foreheads touching. I rubbed the back of his neck lightly with my fingers and he shuddered, his grip along my back tightening. "I have a secret for you, too," I whispered in his ear. Vector raised his eyebrows in response. His senses were probably on overdrive. "I've wondered what it would be like to kiss you, too. Ever since the reunion. I wanted to kiss you while we danced."

"We know," he finally said, releasing me and gazing into my eyes. I could tell it was difficult for him to regain control. "Your vitals changed so drastically around us. And your aura became...indescribable." He paused and gently slipped a stray lock of hair behind my ear. "Well, to be perfectly honest, we were not completely certain of how you felt, but we were fairly sure."

I exhaled slowly. "Vector, I - I like you. I like you a lot. And maybe this is just Intelligence talking, but pursuing this - whatever it is - is probably a very bad idea."

"Is it, Agent?" he asked. He always said 'Agent' the way I envisioned he would say my name: soft, as if the syllables woven together formed a fine silk.

"Yes. This could very well compromise our mission." I studied his face a moment and then took his hand. "You know that."

"We do." He paused a moment before continuing levelly, "If that is what you wish, Agent, then we will keep these feelings to ourself."

I smiled wryly. "I don't really think I'd like that at all, Vector. I want to spend more time with you. I want to be able to share my past with you. I'd even like to kiss you again, but...I'm afraid if I open myself up, I will fail Intelligence. And...I just can't do that." I focused on our dying fire and tossed a few more branches on the coals.

Vector lifted my chin and placed a tender kiss on my lips. "We would like nothing more than to hear your stories or just be with you, but we do not want you to have to choose. Not until you can make the right decision."

"Fair enough. Until then, I will find as many excuses as possible to be alone with you."

"We would like that," he said, pulling me into his arms. I rested my head against his chest. This vacation had taken an interesting turn. I no longer felt uneasy about my feelings for Vector, but I still wasn't exactly sure what I was going to do about them.


	5. Chapter 5

_Why is my mattress so hard? Where is my pillow?_

My eyes fluttered open. In the dim light, I strained to make out my surroundings. I noted the twisted metal walls and the dead campfire. I glanced outside. While I had slept, the storm had ceased and darkness had fallen, but I didn't know what time it was; my watch sat on my nightstand back at the ship. My hands groped about the floor, looking for - what? The Pazzak deck? The matches? I didn't have a clue.

My fingers grasped at the red sheet on top of me. No, not a sheet - a robe. Vector's robe. _Vector!_ I looked around frantically. _Where's Vector?_ I struggled to get up, the rumpled silk robe sliding off my shoulders.

My eyes focused on a figure seated in the doorway. "Vector?" I whispered.

He turned and smiled. "You are awake."

"Yes. How long have I slept?" I rubbed my eyes and yawned.

"Several hours."

"Did you sleep, too?"

"We have slept. We do not require nearly as much sleep as we used to."

"Keeping watch?"

Vector smiled. "We were listening to you sleep. You slept very well. Better than - " he stopped.

"Taris?"

"Yes."

_He knew. He probably knew the whole time we were there. _

I avoided his eye. "We need to get back. The doctor and Kaliyo will be waiting for us at Imperial Fleet." I picked up his robe and carefully folded it into a small, neat bundle. I placed it and the Pazaak deck in the burlap sack from lunch and heaved it onto my shoulder.

Vector helped me up and before I could turn and walk out of the cave, he grabbed my hands and pleaded softly, "Tell us, Agent. What troubles you?"

I fought back tears. "I can't. More than anything, I want to, but...I can't." I held his hands and kissed his cheek. "I'm so sorry. This has nothing to do with my loyalty to Intelligence. This is something else entirely." I took a deep breath. "I promise to tell you someday."

I could see the disappointment on his face, but what could I do? Even if I tried to tell him, the words that formed wouldn't be the ones I wanted. There was no way to explain until I could rid myself of this impairment, and I didn't have a clue when that would be.

"Are you hungry?"

"Starving," I said. "But I can eat when we get back to the ship."

Vector handed me a small parcel. I glanced at the wrapper and laughed. "You're kidding, right?"

"They were just as flavorful then as they are now."

I rolled my eyes at the irony. Vector had eaten his first ration bar as a Joiner a week into his transfer. He told me he had savored it for two hours, which was surprising: those bars are the blandest thing in the galaxy. He must have eaten his while I napped.

"I'm so hungry that anything would taste good right about now." I tore into the package and took a small bite. "Not bad. I guess ration bars get better with age." I gave Vector a weary half-smile. "Come on." He held his hand to me and I accepted.

The air smelled refreshingly sweet outside the metal cave. As a child, I had always loved how the rain seemed to cleanse the world after a particularly sticky, humid day. I always came back to this place after a good rain, stomping in as many puddles as I could on the way. The half-moons hung low in the sky, providing us enough light to follow the path back to Wortan.

When we finally reached the ship, I ordered 2V to set the coordinates to Imperial Fleet. Too-Vee muttered disapprovingly about our rumpled appearance as he left to carry out the order.

Vector walked with me to my quarters. We stopped outside my door and I squeezed his hand before releasing it. I shrugged the burlap sack off my shoulder and handed it to him. He accepted the parcel and draped it over his left arm. "I had a lovely time, Vector. Thank you for the picnic."

"You are most welcome."

For a moment we just stood in the hallway, then he gently kissed me again. I pressed myself against him. It was a strange sensation to be this close to someone without an alternate agenda.

Once inside my own quarters, I stripped off my clothing with shaking hands then showered. As the hot water ran down my body, I thought about the picnic. From snippets of conversations, Vector had been able to piece together where I was from. I wondered what other things he knew about me from other discussions. I had always thought I had a careful, measured discourse around others, but Vector had proved me wrong. Granted, he was much smarter than the average operative...

I turned off the water, wrapped a towel around my body, and tossed my clothing into the laundry chute. I dried off and quickly slipped on my uniform. After pinning on my insignia, I checked myself in the mirror. I straightened my lapels and brushed some lint off my sleeves.

_I look fine on the outside,_ I thought, gazing at my reflection.

Inside, however, my stomach was churning.

As expected, Kaliyo and Doctor Lokin were waiting for us in our hangar with the promised supplies. Kaliyo looked slightly drunk but satisfied and the doctor seemed refreshed. Neither of them questioned our unusual lateness.

The four of us hauled the crates into the ship while 2V verified each crate and noted the quantities. Sometimes Vector and I would pass each other in the corridor. Whenever he carried a crate and I didn't, I would purposefully brush up against him as I made my way past, my heart beating as hard as if I were tracking a target.

About ten minutes into the task, I developed a massive headache and my vision began to blur. I could hardly see what was in front of me. My extremities shook like I was fevered, but still I doggedly continued, determined. Soon, I realized that my body was not going to cooperate. _After this crate, I will slip to my quarters and lie down,_ I thought. _Just one more_. My thoughts muddled together and I finally stumbled, tripping into the supply room. My knees buckled and I dropped the crate I was carrying. I clutched my side helplessly, and tried to call out but my tongue felt thick in my mouth.

Heavy footsteps approached and stopped at my head. "Cipher Nine. Always a pleasure."

_I know that voice._ I looked up, the world still spinning. I concentrated on the face above me, my vision still obscured. "It's _you_," I groaned. "But, but I killed you. How...how?"

Watcher X gave me a passive half-smile. "And it was truly an admirable shot, Cipher Nine. There are so many possibilities regarding my return. Perhaps I am not dead. Perhaps I am just your imagination. Perhaps I am now a part of you...The list is endless."

"You're a part of me?" I gasped, struggling with every word. I tried standing again but my legs would not support my weight and I fell heavily to the floor. _What is he talking about?_

"You trusted me. You let me inside. But...should you have?"

"Wait...what? What are you...?" My fogged memory suddenly cleared and I was brought back to Nar Shaddaa, Watcher X hovering over me. "I _let_ you inside..." _The operation. _"The...implant...is that what you mean?"

He ignored my attempt to puzzle out his riddle. Instead, he crouched down, looked me in the eye, and said levelly, "Think about it carefully, Agent. How does Krothe, a Republic stooge, have access to mind control? The Republic doesn't normally dabble in that sort of science."

_That's true. That's something Imperials are more likely to have knowledge of._

"Unless, of course, he was presented with a...gift."

I propped myself up against some crates, my mind racing. _No, no, they couldn't - they couldn't have. They wouldn't._

"Why?" The pain in my head had become unbearable. "How could they...?"

Watcher X laughed. "_How could they do this to you?_ Indeed." He stood up. "You're just like the rest of us in Shadow Town. Too valuable for Intelligence to dispose of, but too dangerous to be left to your own devices."

"What do I do now?"

"Now, Agent, you learn the horrible truth..."

"Tell me!" I screamed, awake. For a split second I had no idea where I was, but as my eyes slowly adjusted, I recognized the white walls of the Med Bay. Evidently, I had been carried to a cot after I fainted. Embarrassment flooded through me as I tried to pull myself up, but couldn't. One of my arms had been pinned down with some kind of medical device. Everyone looked as startled and confused as I was. Even Kaliyo looked uncomfortable, which was odd; normally she was unflappable.

"What...what happened?" I asked Doctor Lokin.

"You passed out in the Cargo Hold. We were able to move you here, uninjured, but I can't find anything wrong with you." He checked my vitals and looked into my eyes with a small light. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine. I'm fine." I pushed the blanket off of me and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I slipped my arm out of the monitoring device. "Thank you all for your concern, but I just need...to rest, that's all."

After a hasty escape to my quarters, I sat on my bed, my heart still pounding and my breath still ragged and heavy. _Watcher X was right, he was right all along, _I thought. _Intelligence betrayed me. And I killed him, back on Nar Shaddaa; I murdered him without a second thought. That was exactly what they wanted._

What did Intelligence do to me? Why? I had been loyal. I _was_ loyal.

I gripped the edge of my bed angrily and fought back bitter tears. _'Now I learn the horrible truth,' he said. Where would I find the truth?_

The only place that might have the information I sought was Intelligence Archives back on Dromund Kaas. Breaking in would be dangerous, reckless, and potentially career-ending.

But also very, very necessary.

I reached for my communicator and flipped it on. "Two-Vee?"

"Yes, Master?"

"We'll be postponing our mission to Hoth. I just received word that Keeper needs me to return to Intelligence for a briefing."

"I will set a course for Dromund Kass immediately, Sir."

"Thank you, 2V." I switched off my communicator and tossed it onto my desk.

_If anyone asks, we are here for an Intelligence briefing. This is my burden; my team should not suffer the consequences if I am discovered. A quick mission, that's all. _

I drifted into an uneasy sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Intelligence trained me to track, to bait, and to kill.

They also taught me to survive.

We reached Dromund Kaas without incident. I discarded my Imperial uniform, trading it instead for a set of beat-up light armor that I had recovered on Taris. I slung my blaster rifle over my shoulder and snapped my knife to the outside of my boot. My crew remained fast asleep, just as I'd hoped, enabling me to leave the ship without notice.

It was late, so visitors to the spaceport were sparse. I walked purposefully to the speeders and paid for a two-hour rental. I politely declined the receipt; this mission was personal.

The engines hummed as I started the speeder. I gunned it, blazing down the well-traveled trail leading to Kaas City and the headquarters of Imperial Intelligence.

The ride took only ten minutes. Upon arrival, I directed the speeder to the platform outside the black metal gates surrounding the city. _These walls look more menacing than I remember,_ I reflected. _Now that I know the truth has everything changed?_ I tossed the key to the valet and headed into the gates of Kaas City.

I opted not to take a speeder through the city, deciding instead to walk to Intelligence headquarters. It seemed a better idea since I could blend in with other pedestrians without worrying about speeder attendants remembering me.

As I got closer to my destination, however, I suspected that someone was following me. After backtracking through a couple of alleys and studying the streets, I spotted a tall man wearing a long, hooded cloak. He stopped and looked from side to side, as if choosing where to go next. He had maintained a steady distance, but it was time to close the gap. I couldn't risk him discovering my intentions and warning Intelligence.

Quickly and quietly I ducked back into the alley and ran several blocks ahead of my stalker. Assuming I was now ahead of him, I peeked out. He continued to make his way toward me, still searching for me_._ I bent down and slowly pulled out my knife. Glancing up and down the street, I was pleased to note that most of the vendors and other pedestrians had vanished.

I grabbed the man's arm, throwing him into the alley wall. He groaned as his head hit the cold metal, his breath knocked out of him. Still clinging to his wrist, I directed his arm to his back and pressed my blade to the side of his neck, all in one smooth motion.

Through his labored breathing I heard him wheeze, "It's _us_."

_Us? _

"Vector?" I gasped.

The figure shook his head, causing his hood to fall. _Vector! _I released him. After carefully sheathing my knife, I cocked my head to one side and whispered, "What are you doing here?"

"We don't know why you are here, but it is important to you. So we will help you."

I shook my head. "No. No, I can't ask you to do that."

"We insist," he said stubbornly. "Our loyalties lie with you, Agent."

I processed what he said. When he had turned on his nest back on Alderaan, he said he was, first and foremost, loyal to the Empire. Now, it seemed, to me. I might have even been a little giddy at this development if I didn't have more pressing matters to attend to.

"What we are about to do is a serious breach of protocol. If we get caught..." I willed myself not to dwell on that possibility. "Are you certain you wish to proceed?" I gave him a sad smile. "There is still time to go back to the ship and pretend you didn't see me."

Vector replaced his hood. "Lead the way, Agent."

I breathed out slowly. _Deceit and deception are Intelligence's the deepest allies. We live to lie to each other. If Keeper had predicted this fidelity,he never would have transferred Vector to my team, _I reflected bitterly as we stepped into the street. My thoughts strayed to Watcher X. He had once been a shining star in Intelligence, before his imprisonment on Nar Shaddaa. _What is his agenda? _

Soon we stood a block away from the Intelligence offices. "There's still time," I murmured.

"We are here. Always." He squeezed my hand gently. This simple gesture brought me back to the galley of the _Phantom_ and suddenly I was undeniably angry - at Intelligence, at Watcher X, and at myself.

_This is what it all breaks down to: trust. I should be able to trust my crew. I should be able to trust my employers. I should even be able to trust a fellow agent. But I can't_. _I can't even trust myself._

I dropped his hand. "Let's go."

We walked in unison across the narrow platform connecting Kaas City to the Intelligence offices, our steps tinny reverberations on the metal bridge. We entered the building and proceeded to Archives.

Watcher Three stood in the doorway, blocking our entry. I assumed that someone had alerted him to our arrival. It would be his task to discover what we were up to and see our needs met as quickly and efficiently as possible. "Cipher Nine! This is...unexpected." Watcher Three stood at ease, his brow furrowed and his mouth slightly downturned, a sour expression on his face.

"I realize that. Something important has emerged and I need access to some files in the Intelligence Archives. I believe there's something there that will help my mission on Hoth," I lied.

His frown deepened. _He's sizing me up,_ I thought. _How much does he know?_ I stood stiffly at ease, looking over his shoulder. I maintained my well-practiced composure.

"A half hour, Agent."

"Thank you, Watcher Three. I won't be long." I nodded to Vector and we went up the stairs and through a narrow passageway.

A sharp pain in the base of my neck throbbed as I made my way down the hallway. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth, running my fingers along the wall to keep myself steady. _You'll need to sabotage the generators,_ I heard Watcher X say_._ I nodded blindly, but kept walking, the glare from the bright lights above me causing my head to pound. I hoped I would not pass out again.

"We need to take out the generator," I whispered to Vector before we entered the power room. "Are you ready?"

"We are ready, Agent."

"Let's go."

The generator was surprisingly easy to shut down; the archive droids surrounding it took a bit more effort. While we disabled them, Watcher Three's voice echoed over the intercom. "Cipher Nine? I hope you can hear this. There's been an outage in Archives. There is an alternate power supply, so you should be able to access your files, but it seems the outage has gotten the archive droids a little fired up. Be careful."

Vector smashed the last security droid with his staff. Watcher Three's voice boomed above us. "We've got a few men working on the doors now. Should take about ten minutes."

_That's all you need,_ said Watcher X. _Head to the computers. Type in 'Castallan restraints'. _

I grimaced, my head still pounding. "Vector, watch for droids. I'll be right back." He nodded while I set a ten-minute timer at my wrist. I headed to one of the archive computers and pulled up a search. I carefully typed 'Castallan restraints' into the database. A few seconds later, an entry promptly appeared. I breathed in and began to read the contents.

_...designed for limited behavior modification in a __**high-risk subject**__..._

_...subject is __**programmed to react to a keyword**_ _with __**total obedience**__..._

_...once programming is activated, the subject will be aware of his inability to control his actions __**but unable to revolt**__..._

_...a trained handler will designate a __**permanent keyword**_ _that will activate the subject's programming and open him to commands..._

_...__**no way to reverse the treatment**_ _has been developed; theoretically, one could repeat the cycle and overwrite old programming, but the physical side effects of repeated IX serum usage could prove inhibiting..._

_...the __**Minister of Intelligence disproves the widespread use of Castellan restraints on Imperial Intelligence personnel, but agrees that limited trials are appropriate**__..._

_...__**dimalium-6**__..._

_...__**Quesh**__..._

My insides had become so numb I could have been on Hoth. Of all people I expected to betray me, Keeper - now the Minister of Intelligence - was the one. He had authorized this without my knowledge or consent. Confronting him would be a mistake, but so would ignoring the problem. I certainly did not want to be an experiment any longer.

_Quesh._

I had never been to Quesh; my duties had always been focused elsewhere. I recalled what little I knew about the world from the Holonet and various Imperial debriefings: _Inhospitable. Poisonous atmosphere. Republic-owned chemical processing plants. Adrenals. A Republic-Hutt alliance. A forced Hutt-Imperial alliance. Republic and Imperial occupation._

The timer at my wrist vibrated softly, breaking my concentration. I checked my wrist. _Thirty seconds._ I could hear faint pounding at the archive doors. Quickly, I secured the layers I had peeled while searching the database, hiding my presence. At last, the final screen disappeared. I rushed to Vector's side. The noise at the door had grown louder. They were almost through.

"Did you find what you needed, Agent?" he asked softly, watching the door, staff in hand.

"Yes," I whispered as the door burst open. Watcher Three stood there with five members of the Intelligence maintenance crew, two holding electrical tools and the rest waiting with weapons drawn.

Watcher Three entered the room, looking around in aggravation at the droid parts littering the floor. "Are you alright, Cipher Nine?"

"Never better. Hope you brought the janitorial staff. I had to destroy some of your droids."

He kicked a chassis and a few parts aside before stepping in front of me. "Did you find what you needed?"

"Yes, thank you."

He eyed me critically before gesturing toward the door. "I'll see you later, Agent."

I nodded, keeping my face as unreadable as possible. Vector and I stepped through the Archive doors and into the hallway. We made our way through Imperial Intelligence and back into the cool night air.

Once we reached the outskirts of Kaas City without incident, Vector took my hand in his. This time, I accepted the comforting gesture. As we started down the well-travelled path, my fingers intertwined with his and the slight pressure and warmth of his hand soothed the bitter feeling in my belly and the ache in my forehead. I closed my eyes and just let him pull me along for a while.

"Vector?" I whispered.

"Yes, Agent?" He stopped. When I opened my eyes, he was still standing next to me, watching.

"I...I'm grateful you came with me tonight. "

Vector smiled. "It would not have been right for you to go alone."

I smiled back. We resumed walking hand-in-hand.

"Where are we headed next, Agent?"

"Quesh. Only a slight detour. We'll be done within the day." _Hoth will have to wait a little longer,_ I thought.

"Is Keeper aware?"

"No."

Vector nodded. "And the others?"

I shrugged. Doctor Lokin and Kaliyo were the least of my concerns right now. Kaliyo would probably enjoy the chance to make some unexpected mischief at a new port, and although Lokin used to be a Fixer, he'd probably never miss the opportunity to screw Intelligence given the chance. Vector seemed to understand because he stopped in the middle of the path and drew me into a gentle embrace. I rested my head against his shoulder and hugged him tightly. The stars in the sky blurred as my eyes filled with tears. I blinked them back, a few renegade ones sliding down my cheeks.

"I'm frightened, Vector. I've never been so frightened before."

As he continued to hug me, Vector slid his hand to the small of my back, the exact spot he touched me at the Kilik party. "We worry too, Agent. It has spread," he said simply, walking his fingers up my spine to the base of my neck. He softly pressed a finger there, then dropped his hand.

I gritted my teeth but said nothing. _What else can I do? How can I tell him when my words would only be silenced?_

I shrugged him off of me and looked him directly in the eye. "Someday, Vector, I will tell you. I promise."

He nodded gravely. "We will wait, Agent."


End file.
